I miss my Tamils. I miss waking up to their screechy voices
in the morning mixed with the din of laundry as it’s beaten against a rock. I
miss my face (and bum for that matter) being slapped, pinched, and generally
handled. I miss people looking in disbelief between my currently rice fattened
cheeks and short hair to my college pictures in western clothes and curly
locks, then generally making some comment on how this decision was a
catastrophe of epic proportions that may affect my eligibility. I miss food
being shoved into my mouth my some mother’s hand without my permission. I miss
the intrusive (and innocent) questions about how much my father makes, when I
will be married, and what my class rank was. I miss the same old conversation
and the triumvirate of questions:
Stranger: “Hello. How are you?”
Me: “I am fine” (this is the only acceptable answer to that
question. If you say “good”, they won’t understand. I have no idea what English
teacher decided this would be the standard response, but it sure caught on.
Stranger: “Where are you from?”
Me: USA
Stranger: “Where are you going?”
Me: I am going to –fill in the blank-
Stranger: Ok. Bye. (or sometimes tata…. Don’t ask)
Note: “What is your name?” is sometimes added to these
questions, but generally people know who we are before we know them. This isn’t really as creepy as it sounds.
The tamil version of this conversation (gosh I wish I could
have it recorded for you) goes something like this:
Friend (or stranger): Nallarkingala? (Are you doing well?)
Me: Nallarku. Neenga Nallarkingala? (I am well. Are you
well?)
Friend: Ooooh. Nallarkarome. (
Me: awkward silence while I give high fives to their kids.
Friend: Sapetingala?* (Have you eaten?)
Me: Ippathan sapetaan or illai (I just ate or nothing)
* Side Note: This is just a question you ask. People care
deeply about one another. Questions like this are good manners.
As limited as our conversation was at times, I absolutely
loved it. Tamilians, especially when you are friends, can be extremely
affectionate and loving. A culture book that I have been devouring recently
commented on the cultural differences in Indian relationship. It said something
to the effect of Indians make friendships that they expect to last a lifetime.
Let’s just say that really illuminated a lot of things for Laura and I. We were
sometimes confused at the expectations that seemed to come along with our
friendships as well as the offers (ranging from constant dinner invitations to
the memorable offer to live in their home while they arrange marriages for
Laura and I).
I already know I’ll return, but in the meantime I just have
to make do with phone calls to my Indian friends that follow the basic outline
above and study up on Tamil.
