Last semester I was blessed to have classes whose subjects really blended well together. I was excited about my classes every week. While I was very busy and had plenty of readings, my classes had reasonable amount of papers and few tests. This allowed me to learn without stress. I spent a large portion of my time reading for my classes, and the rest just thinking. It seemed the teachers collaborated to form the perfect complimenting lectures. My classes: development, economics, political science, humanities all melded together. I loved it.
This semester has been entirely different. I have many papers due every week, quizzes and tests abound, and an impending field study. While I am so thrilled to be able to study in India this summer, it is a source of anxiety for me. I feel so unprepared to be researching alone. I hate little time to contemplate these worries and fears with all my homework. It seems no matter how hard I work, there aren't enough hours in the day to finish it all.
I realized that I need a change in attitude. I cannot complete my responsibilities with a constant mantra of negative self talk. Even if I don't feel this way, I can tell myself I am excited to be able to learn so much. I can always make time for the scriptures. I can do my best and leave the rest to the Lord.
This summer will be similar in some ways. I will not ever really reach the point where the task is done. There will always be more I can research, more to observe, more to learn. I need to accept that and make reasonable goals. I can work as hard as I can, but I do not need to feel anxiety about time I don't have or things outside of my control. On the other hand, it will be different. I will not be juggling half a dozen classes. My sole focus will be on India and my research. This will allow me time to think and grow. I will be busy, but I will direct my time and learning. Who knows, I may miss having a never-ending "To Do" list over the quagmires of self directed research.
