Last semester I was blessed to have classes whose subjects really blended well together. I was excited about my classes every week. While I was very busy and had plenty of readings, my classes had reasonable amount of papers and few tests. This allowed me to learn without stress. I spent a large portion of my time reading for my classes, and the rest just thinking. It seemed the teachers collaborated to form the perfect complimenting lectures. My classes: development, economics, political science, humanities all melded together. I loved it.
This semester has been entirely different. I have many papers due every week, quizzes and tests abound, and an impending field study. While I am so thrilled to be able to study in India this summer, it is a source of anxiety for me. I feel so unprepared to be researching alone. I hate little time to contemplate these worries and fears with all my homework. It seems no matter how hard I work, there aren't enough hours in the day to finish it all.
I realized that I need a change in attitude. I cannot complete my responsibilities with a constant mantra of negative self talk. Even if I don't feel this way, I can tell myself I am excited to be able to learn so much. I can always make time for the scriptures. I can do my best and leave the rest to the Lord.
This summer will be similar in some ways. I will not ever really reach the point where the task is done. There will always be more I can research, more to observe, more to learn. I need to accept that and make reasonable goals. I can work as hard as I can, but I do not need to feel anxiety about time I don't have or things outside of my control. On the other hand, it will be different. I will not be juggling half a dozen classes. My sole focus will be on India and my research. This will allow me time to think and grow. I will be busy, but I will direct my time and learning. Who knows, I may miss having a never-ending "To Do" list over the quagmires of self directed research.
I am so glad that you feel the same way that I do!!! I have been so stressed and sleep deprived these last couple of weeks, and the thought that I will be across the world in less than two months does NOT soothe that anxiety. However, I loved that you talked about change of attitude.
ReplyDeleteRemember how AMAZING Dave was as a professor? I try to think about him and what he taught us when we were in his class. When we think about the value of life, we start seeing things differently. When I get really anxious, I think about the beautiful people of India and how much I am going to love them. Not in a romanticized or sensational way, but in a realistic, yet very positive way. We are going to learn so much from them, and for three months, we will be establishing relationships of love and trust, with God's children who are in another continent, and yet, like us, are not forgotten by Him.