Participant Observation- February 10th (oops, this did not post on friday)

"What was with the creepy nod?" I asked. 

Jane laughed. "I am SO glad he came after we left" 

We heard footsteps and then a shout, "Jane!" 

Jane began to blush. As she turned around she whispered, "Do you think he heard?" 

I didn't care if he heard. It was a Sunday afternoon and we had just finished our dinner at the Cannon Center. Jane's old boyfriend had just interrupted what had had heretofore been a lovely afternoon. Needless to say, I thought he was a jerk. 

"Have fun" I said back and sauntered off with Shelby. A second later she called us over. The old boy had the gall to ask us to swipe him and his friend in for dinner. See, it was cheaper  they explained and they would pay us a few bucks. I, very politely told them I did not have enough money and left. 

Jane caught up a few minutes later.  "That was funny. You could tell how much you guys hated him."

"Really?" I said. 

"Yeah. You don't really hide what you're thinking."

It was true. I thought I was getting better at hiding my emotions, but alas too often during a conversation or a classmates' comment my face glazes over into a look that can only be translated as "are you an idiot?" Despite only giving what I believed to be a polite response, my body language conveyed an entirely different message. 

Jane broke it down for me. Apparently, I wasn't polite. I said less than a sentence and left right after. I crossed my arms. I straightened. I did not return the smile. I walked off in the mid-sentence. Unfortunately, this is a common occurrence. A tendency to inadvertently roll your eyes (or stare into space like this) never wins friends. 

The real problem is when people I actually like (or at least feel neutral towards) think I hate them. There is obviously a disconnect between what I feel and what I actually convey nonverbally.  Since the class, I have been paying attention to my own tendencies and observing others. I have a larger personal bubble than most people. I am not the type to hug someone when I say hello or goodbye. My emotions are visible to even the casual observer. My neutral face can vary from stern to outright hostile. I admit that some of these conclusion are founded. I do tend to be a critical person. I have a small friend circle, which can easily translate into "hates everyone". 

I've gotten better, really I have. I will have to be more aware than ever of my body language as I prepare for India. If people misunderstand me in my own language and culture, a new language and culture will not improve the situation.